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The problem w/ post-adoption support:

It was obvious most birth mother's were not processing the grief correctly, So many, too many, fall into drugs or some other destructive practice to numb the pain. Usually this is then used as more of a way to stereotype the way birth mother's must be.


As a result of the stay at a adoption dorm, they saw much of the background events going on during an adoption too. So we have a few insights for adoption reform....a main one being, birth mother's should have a separate case worker and counselor, because both roles are too conflicting to receive unbiased support. Preferably birth mom's should be counseled by other birth mom's. Every girl just wanted to talk to someone who had been through it before. It relieves so much anxiety for the birth mom. And any unanswered questions tend to just result in a birth mother not following through for fear of the unknown, at the last minute. (And provided legal representation, as the other side is)

Who usually becomes a birth mother, do they have anything in common?

Most birth mother's were a result of an unplanned or crisis pregnancy. This doesn't mean we loved our babies any less. (In fact, some would say it as the opposite) but it means that we are most likely not prepared to provide adequate care. These babies then become the most at risk for being aborted in today's society. Every 1 out of 4 children won't make it. This is why birth mom's missions is crucial to the pro-life movement!

At Birth Mom Missions, we think life is always the best CHOICE for everyone! We've seen friends have abortions and friends raise children, but we never saw a birth mother's life that close up...until we become one. Now we have tackled every situation the pro-abortion industry can come up with as a reason to have an abortion. One of the two founding birth mother's was raped, suppressed it, and then was shocked to find herself pregnant.

They soon found out that birth mother's are joined together for life by their experiences. The love and respect among such a small group of women, is something society usually misses out on. Watching a birth mother hand over her child to her adoptive parents for the very lest a moment I wish everyone could see. It is the most beautiful bittersweet moment, and shows the real power of love...two sets of parents coming together all because of their love for this one child! Christians can take even more from it, because of how it portrays in some small way how we are adopted as God's children. The experience is worth more than words can describe.

More details on Birth Mom Missions:

Birth Mothers works together with other foundations, schools, individuals, churches, faith-based agencies and social services providers to build a web of resources for pregnant women.

Each of the Birth Mother's on our growing staff, have unique experiences. We have dealt with crisis pregnancies, serious health concerns third trimester ( pre-e ), adoption legal mishaps, and much more. We have seen and experienced a lot and want to just share our observations. We know what women are capable of when a life depends solely on them to survive. Birth mother's are strong women, determined to give life and finish the good work that was begun inside them. It may have been unplanned, but we want them here more than anything! (Contrary to beliefs, since "gave away")

A mother becomes a mother, when she realizes there is another little person who solely depends on her to survive....and she therefore is intent on not letting them down. A mother becomes a birth mother, when she looks her precious child in the eyes and realizes it's her duty to take care of them and provide the best, no matter what society may think of her. Even her child might not understand right away, but one day when they become a parent they will. Mom's don't stop being mom's when a child leaves for college, or a child passes on before why would a birth mom stop being a mom after adoption day.


Birth Mom Missions provides a much needed (and often overlooked) service to women who have placed their child for adoption. We offer guidance before, after and during the adoption process to all women who ask, regardless of their choices made. Much of this is done through phone conversations, emails, letters, prayers and social networking correspondence. We are dedicated to providing nonjudgmental assistance to any woman facing an unplanned pregnancy and guidance for those who choose to become birth mothers.

Birthmothers started the mission, when they realized the great need for support before and after an adoption.

Birth Mothers have parted with a huge piece of themselves. Even the most independent woman will tell you that having a child changes a woman's view of herself. Placing that child is akin to letting go of a piece of yourself.  The wording often offered up to birth parents searching for some answers comes out something like, "Well, it's for the best." Of course, birth parents can then internalize that well-intentioned placating sentence and start to wonder what is fundamentally wrong with them that their child is better off elsewhere.

We offer local supportive groups (growing nationwide) made up of women who have been through the similar experiences. We want to provide young women in the future with the knowledge and support that we wish we had from a birth mother. Someone who knew what it was like and was unbiased. Someone to talk to us, inform us, guide us, emphasize with us, and answer all our silly questions. One goal of the mission is to someday see every pregnant woman that is considering adoption,to have at least one birth mother mentor.

The mission touches the lives of those adopted, adoptive parents, hopeful adoptive parents, pregnant woman at risk, the unborn, and other parts of society in ways yet to be seen.


Two birth mother's began this mission when they became aware of the great need for support of birth mother's post adoption. They had "roomed" together in a local adoption agengy dorm. During, their final 3 months of pregnancy. they experienced the good and the bad, the ups and the downs and everything else you could think of...together as birth mothers' of adoption,. They quickly realized just how important their friendship was then and continues to be. They lived with 30 other birth mothers (ages 13 to 40) and wre able to see several different perspectives on adoption from all sides of the triad (as the dorm was at an adoption facility)

(options to birthmom: lifemom, firstmom, tummymom, etc...In actuality most birth moms of adoption don't really care what they are called by the adoptive family and long as they are called.)

The 3 main goals within Birth Mom Missions are:

1. Support & Advice for Women pre-and post adoption.

Life after adoption is different and it's hard to know what it will feel like until you experience it.  Sometimes people surrounding adoption can unintentionally cause a birth parent to feel guilty or shameful. Unfortunately, guilt and shame seem to be an ever-evolving presence in the life of a parent who has placed a child for adoption. While no two birth parents are going to experience guilt in the same way throughout their entire journeys, birth parents should find comfort in knowing that some other birth parent, somewhere on this Earth, has felt something similar. While our experiences are unique, the issue is not. You are never alone.

A few of the services we will provide: local & nationwide supportive groups, online live meetings, prayer groups, monthly newsletters, triad forums, a 1-800 phone support line (maintained only by real birth mother's, who have been in a similar situation before,) worksheets and references for before and after to help women process the life changing events that have just occurred, and much more. We also help birth mom's in communication activities with the adoptive parents and help them vocalize all their important questions early.. It can be very intimidating making that first call to tell a couple they are about to have a family. (Many questions you might not think of, with all you have going on,) Most importantly a community of women and supporters of Birth Mom Missions praying for you through it all.

2. Birth Mom's for Life: 

Every year approximately 1.3 million single women become unexpectedly pregnant. Sadly, less than two percent choose the loving option of adoption, while two million couples eagerly wait to adopt children. The abortion rate continues to rise.  Each day, women wake up in our community believing abortion is the only realistic solution to an unplanned pregnancy. In this tragic decision, not only is a human life snuffed out, but a woman’s life is changed forever. Mother Teresa says it best, "I will tell you something beautiful. We are fighting abortion by adoption..." Pregnancy is an emotional time for a woman, even under the best of circumstances. She needs someone to lean on, particularly when she is young. In today's society, the "easy" solution of abortion becomes a constant temptation during this time.  Our mission is to cherish children, encourage secure families, and tell women of the experiences we have had and/or witnessed.  We offer peer mentoring and support to all mothers who are expecting through pregnancy or adoption, or those who are experiencing the pain of miscarriage, stillbirth, abortion, or infertility. Volunteers offer support in the form of phone calls, cards, prayers, visits, emails, and educational resources

We advocate adoption as an REAL option and go to schools and other locations to spread the word about what an honor it is to be able to give the gift of life!  Although it may be hard at sometimes to be a birth mother, we believe it is much harder to suffer an abortion.  Some things, like a life, are never easily forgotten.

3. Adoption Celebration, Advocacy & Reform-

We want to spread how wonderful adoption can be, while we adress some things that could be changed for the better.  We were able to see a lot from our perspective, living at an adoption agency dorm. We seek to make sure every adoptee knows they are loved and missed everyday.  The worst pain is that of feeling unwanted, and they were always wanted!  And finally, we provide a resource for the community to see what real birth mother's are like (instead of the "made for TV version" many are exposed to) We promote Birth Mother's Day every year, Answering Adoptive parents questions they may have, and alieviate some fears on all sides.


Some background:

It seems that the grief which results from adoption loss more often follows a pattern which is the exact opposite of what one might expect in the case of other losses. From my research, I have made certain conclusions on the grief associated with adoption loss, based on my own experience, the experiences of the women I have encountered and the books on grief and grief counselling which I have read. It became obvious to me that the common models of grief counselling would not work with mothers who had lost children through adoption. I concluded that the grief resulting from the loss of a child through adoption was fundamentally different from other types of grief. I explored grief associated with abortion, with stillbirth and neo-natal death and with loss of custody. Although there were some similarities, it seemed that adoption grief was unique.

This disenfranchised grief is when the grief is connected with a loss which cannot be openly acknowledged, publicly mourned or socially supported. In many cases of disenfranchised grief, the relationship is not recognised, the loss is not recognised or the griever is not recognized. The loss of a child through adoption is usually a loss which cannot be openly acknowledged, which is why mothers often suffer in silence...people who have experienced any type of loss often feel anger, guilt, sadness, depression, hopelessness and numbness and that in cases of disenfranchised grief, these feelings can persist for a very long time. The lack of recognition of their grief often results in them holding on to it more tenaciously than they might otherwise have done.

CONCLUSIONS: The relinquishing mother is at risk for long-term physical, psychological, and social repercussions. Although interventions have been proposed, little is known about their effectiveness in preventing or alleviating these repercussions." (Journal of Obstetric, Gynecological and Neonatal Nursing, 1999 Jul-Aug. pp.395-400)

We hope to help change this by raising awareness among the community and supporting each other through the process of recovery.

Many different groups of people fear birth parent grief for many reasons. The old adage goes that people fear what they don't know. So, we would like to shed a little light on why birth parent grief isn't meant to be scary to adoptive parents, adoptees or the general public.  We stress the birth mother aspect to our mission, because we feel it is what makes us a unique organization and allows us to truly "tell it like it is" to women just like ourselves. Unfortunately we missed out on a birth mom mentor but we saw the need for this. We can think of no greater satisfaction than to help women in the future that experience an unexpected or crisis pregnancy and choose life. We are dedicated to providing nonjudgmental assistance to any woman facing an unplanned pregnancy and guidance for those who choose to become birth mothers.

Another goal of Birth Mom Missions is to increase media awareness of Birth Mother's day (set in 1990 as the day before mother's day each year)


From God’s Arm’s to my arm’s to your’s If you choose to tell her,If she wants to know,How the one who gave her lifeCould bear to let her go.Just tell her there were sleepless nightsI prayed and paced the floors,And knew the only peace I'd find,Was if this child was yours. And maybe, you could tell your baby, When u love her so, how she's been loved beforeBy someone, who delivered her from,God's arms, to my arms, to yours. This may not be the answer,For another girl like me.But I'm not on a soapbox,Saying how we all should be.I'm just trusting in my feelings,And I'm trusting God above,And I'm trusting you can give this babyBoth her mother's love.

A mother's love is patient and forgiving when all others are forsaking, it never fails or falters, even though the heart is breaking ~ Helen Rice


SO IF YOUR ADOPTED, REMEMBER:Somebody is very proud of you.Somebody is thinking of you.Somebody misses you.Somebody wants to be with you.Somebody is thankful for you.Somebody wants to hold your hand.Somebody hopes everything turns out all right.Somebody wants you to be happy.Somebody wants to give you a gift.Somebody thinks you ARE a gift.Somebody wants to hug you.Somebody wants to protect you.Somebody can't wait to see you.Somebody loves you for who you are.Somebody treasures your spirit.Somebody wants you to know they never forgot you..Somebody would do anything for you.Somebody wants to share their dreams with you.Somebody believes in you.Somebody will cry when they read this.Somebody needs you to have faith in them.Somebody hears a song that reminds them of you.Somebody hopes you understand.Somebody wonders if you will love them.Somebody is your birth mom out there...